Couples coaching and counseling

Many times, couples come to me as a last resort to save their relationship. They often think it will take months if not years to do so. But let me tell you this: it takes about 3-4 months to significantly improve your relationship, repair the rifts, stop fighting, take responsibility for the relationship and learn how to get along better and create a more pleasant and relaxed atmosphere between the two of you. I know it sounds hard to believe, especially when you think there is hardly any chance for reconciliation… But if one or both of you come for counseling, it means you still haven’t given up. And if you put in the work and effort, we can make things better.  I will make sure to keep things balanced and calm and give equal space for both of you to express what you think and feel. I will guide and teach you and let both of you figure out the best solutions for your issues.  

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These are some of the issues we will work on:

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What are the options regarding the future of the relationship- Why should you stay together? How would separation affect you, your children and your extended family? What are the financial consequences of a divorce? Why should you try and save the relationship? What will happen in your next relationship if you don't go through a process of couple training and counseling (spoiler alert: you will probably make the same mistake and choose the wrong person again)?

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Discovering the places of difficulty in a relationship – Within our very first session I will identify the difficulties and issues you two are facing. Naturally, at least one of you (if not both) will come prepared with a list of problems and difficulties and will surely voice them right away. But above that I will give you my professional advice about what else we should work on. Afterwards, I will create a tailored work plan for you as a couple. If necessary, we will work on your personal issues separately.

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Times of crises – According to research there are specific times and events when your relationship might experience a crisis. Knowing this will help you feel normal again and will make the rift more manageable. 

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Your needs - What are your physical, psychological, emotional needs as an individual?  What are your most important needs within a relationship? Feeling loved, heard, respected? Perhaps feeling secure and protected? Are the needs of both of you met? Do you even know what your needs are? Let’s find out together!

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Those who have good intentions but basically interfere – What do you do after you have a fight? Do you try to solve the issue together or do you run straight to your mother/friend and talk to them? Are your parents too pushy? Do they give advice even if you don’t ask for it? Perhaps some other people try constantly to push their nose into your business… Well, if you feel like there are way more than 2 people in your relationship, it’s time to make some changes and draw clear boundaries. It may not be easy but it’s necessary to keep your unit healthy. Only you two should decide who has access to your inner world as a couple.

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Taking responsibility- Do you blame each other instead of taking responsibility for the wrongdoings? Do you feel constant guilt even if you don’t understand why? How can one shift from blame to responsibility?

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Communication- This is the key to a successful relationship. Communicating clearly and honestly, listening closely, fully understanding, responding accordingly, resolving. So many relationships fail because of misunderstanding and miscommunication. It’s a shame, because this is something you both can practice, and honestly? Every human being in every interpersonal relationship has the need to be heard and understood.

Good communication will reduce the number of fights, the amount of anger, frustration, even hatred. So, what should you do when you are angry? How and when should you communicate your anger? What are the differences between men and women when it comes to communication? What about your parents? How did they fight? Have you copied their negative patterns onto your relationship?

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Past pains- We all got hurt from previous relationships. You are lucky if you haven’t. Maybe these past pains affect your current relationship? How to spot and release these blind spots? Your current partner has nothing to do with your past. They can only trigger your pain, but it’s your responsibility to heal.

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Rebuilding, strengthening and maintaining a healthy relationship – If you made all this effort, wouldn’t you like to preserve it? Of course you would! Noone in their right mind wants to go back to where you were…Practice, patience and understanding makes perfect and good for both of you. So, keep up the good work with mutual effort!